Pastors Must Let Go When They Leave a Church

"Breaking Up is So Very Hard to Do" -- but it must happen.

Pastors Must Let Go When They Leave a Church

By George W. Bullard Jr. , Strategic Thinking Mentor for Christian Leaders, Congregations, Denominations, and Parachurch Organizations BullardJournal@gmail.com

“Why did they love you so deeply and hate me so much?” was the question I was asked by the pastor of the church I once served.

My response was simple. “I left. And if you leave, they will love you more the longer you are gone.”

This conversation took place about seven years after I left the pastorate of a church in Louisville, KY. I was back in town lecturing at the seminary I attended during those years. The current pastor asked to have lunch with me.

He struggled with his leadership and wanted my advice and counsel. This was a reasonable request as my denominational staff ministry included helping congregations in diverse urban settings learn to serve with vitality and vibrancy. I could help him look back more than a decade to what happened before he became pastor.

It was a frustrating conversation. We saw the movement of the church and people within the church from opposite perspectives. The people I saw as empowering leaders he saw as his opposition.

The actions I led that moved toward success and significance in the church he saw as obstacles to progress.

“What am I doing wrong?” he asked. I tried to share where I saw possible deficiencies.

To the suggestions I made he repeatedly responded, “No, I’ve got that right. It must be something else.”

Out of my frustration I finally told him he ought to leave the church if he wanted to be loved. I added that I was not loved by everyone while I was pastor. It was a tough church to serve. Many households were dysfunctional. But I knew the church’s memory of my time with them got increasingly better as each year passed.

When I left, I continued to love the congregation. I did not miss all the people, but I loved them all. I thought about them. Prayed for them. Wrote about them. But I did not try to mess with them and obstruct any future leaders.

I intentionally let go so as not to interfere with God’s leadership through future pastors. This is not always the case with every pastor.

Failing to Leave

One aspect of my ministry is to help congregations when they are in conflict. Several congregations I helped were handicapped by the presence of former pastors.

Too often they interfered – directly or indirectly – intentionally or unintentionally – with the ministry of subsequent pastors. They did not want to lose their relationship with friends in the church. This was especially true when they retired from the church.

They may have done something to negotiate their continuing presence in the congregation with the next pastor. Despite best efforts this often does not work. When there is stress in the congregation, or people with a close relationship with the former pastor, there is competition for the role of pastor.

In one church with whom I worked a former, retired pastor was complicit in the termination of the next three pastors. Similar stories abound.

My father faced this during his pastoral ministry. A former pastor of more than 30 years was still in the church. He beat my father to the hospital when people were sick. He went with families to the funeral home when a death occurred.

Two years into his service at this church my father initiated the starting of a new church in a suburban community. He asked the retired pastor to preach there for the first year. A couple of dozen families who still wanted the former pastor as their pastor went out with the core group.

Problems solved? Somewhat.

Leaving Well Should Follow Ending Well

Pastors talk about ending well during their last decade of full-time ministry. Leaving well does not have the same emphasis. Ending and leaving are more connected than pastors acknowledge.

The last phase of ending well should be to pray and seek God’s calling for a new ministry setting during retirement. The call of God is for life. Ministry in retirement does not mean filling all a pastor’s time. Rather, it fulfills their calling and reaffirms their worth as a minister.